Why is it so hard to deal with failure and Rejection?

Learning from our mistakes could be rather frustrating, annoying and scary if we do not know how to deal with failure. Most people are significantly averse to admitting making a mistake. As surprising as it may seem, we hate admitting it more than we hate making the mistakes themselves.

Why do we struggle to admit that we've made a mistake?

Some people believe that by admitting their mistakes, they will be are compromising their reputation, appreciation and trust others might have put upon themselves. This becomes particularly relevant when involves other people suffering as a consequence of what we have done, making it difficult to even live with ourselves.

By failing to face and learn from mistakes we jeopardise our ability to succeed.

Most people who find it difficult to admit their mistakes, make significant less progress than those who able to use it as a crucial element of improvement. When we refuse to admit or to learn from our failures, mistakes tend to be repeated again and again, with detrimental consequences, not only for ourselves but also to those around us. If we want to develop a strategic approach to change, but we can’t admit mistakes, how are we going to learn to do better next time?

How can we learn form failure?

A great deal of personal development lies in our ability to see failure as a way to find unprecedented solutions. It can help us adjust and improve the utmost complicated processes. By giving up to dysfunctional paradigms, we are more likely to see problems in a different light, and with this new perspective, new solutions are to be identified.

More often than not, great ideas might arise from specific problems that is, when something has failed. Is failure itself what drives us to find a solution, or an alternative. This way, if we have the right attitude, failure can function as the most unexpected driver of progress.

In addition to finding unconventional solutions,

failure is also a way to make adjustments to complicated processes, as it helps us identify the problem’s component parts.

The more complicated the process, the harder it is to tweak them. Very often, complexity makes it harder to find out exactly where things went wrong. Nevertheless, by allowing ourselves to fail on a small scale, it becomes easier to determine which strategies are working, and then apply them on other areas or in a larger scale.

To reach our full potential we need to embrace failure.

To take full advantage of failure, it might not be enough to understand that failure could be helpful. We also need to build a positive relationship with it.

If we can’t handle failure, if we run away from it, instead, then we’ll end up failing more and more. In fact, fear of failure might cause people to develop self-sabotaging tactics which become unnecessary barriers to success.

If we want to improve and develop ourselves as individuals, we need to be willing to fail, and take responsibility for that failure. Failure is probably one of the most valuable teachers. However no teacher in the world can help us if we are not willing to receive what's being thought.

As contradictory as this might seem, learning from failure means spending time and effort thinking about our mistakes. Sadly, most people would rather bury their heads in the sand than facing their failures, which is a major problem, because is our attitude toward failure what often determines our success.

If we want to achieve our full potential, we not only have to recognise that we do make mistakes, but also embrace them as a valuable part of our personal development and success.

Mia Porriciello

Personal Development Coach Psychotherapist

Milton Keynes, United Kingdom


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