It‘s important to consider that people can be manipulative for a couple of main reasons.
They are in a state of constant distress and desperation and they are acting out of distress and desperation. Their emotional distress is so high that they are in a state of semi dissociation and semi shock. They might no be connected to the present. Everything they do is tied into past trauma and an intense state of fear. Think of a time in your life when you were in the most distress, that’s nearly their everyday experience. They don’t realize how bad it really is because it’s their ‘normal’; they are basically used to it.
They lack true problem solving skills. People with BPD struggle to properly cope, resolve conflict, problem solve, etc. When they were young, their needs got met through manipulative tactics. Bottom line, when they were young, if they didn’t manipulate, they didn’t get any of their needs met. So it seems to have become a bit of a survival response. Perhaps one of the biggest false assumptions about BPD is that they know how to effectively problem solve and get their needs met and still choose to be manipulative. If they knew another way, they‘d probably use it. In turn, their actions appear malicious.
If you have a partner who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, it’s very likely that you are being manipulated. It could be hard to believe that people with BPD realize how manipulative they might seem.
It’s interesting to note that the more research is done on BPD, the more there is an obvious correlation to childhood trauma.
Part of the diagnosis for BPD is dissociative symptoms which can meet that there is a period of time when the BPD is checked out mentally.
They can experience gaps in memory, missing time, loss of control, feeling like they observing themselves from outside of their body, etc.
It’s during these times when they are going to be the most aggressive, violent, malicious and manipulative.
Some will ask if they realize they are being manipulative and for the most part, they probably don’t.
